it's a miracle we crossed paths
Every now and then, I need to remind myself that people I come across both online and offline, whom I think to be similar to and compare with are all from wildly different socio-economic-geographical-ideological backgrounds (so comparison doesnt make sense) and it's a miracle we crossed paths.
What follows is a revised version of a short essay on this in context of college/university that I wrote on my substack
College is a time when we cross each other's paths in space and time. Wildly different paths.
Source: I drew this on Excalidraw
Close friends pursuing their masters, friends moving to new cities, batchmates you barely knew who are now your colleagues or neighbors. Whether you're in the same city or miles apart, your lives have taken divergent paths.
The reason I stress the difference in paths is that we often assume we're very alike due to the moments when our lives intersect, but the paths that don't cross, the facets of others' lives we're unaware of, their family background, socio-economic status, and a myriad of other factors create a significant disparity.
We may have spent a lot of time with them which leads us to think we are similar in terms of interests, smartness, socioeconomic conditions, and many other factors. When you factor in the inherent randomness of life, the result is a wide array of diverse paths and outcomes after graduation. Itâs a bubble where we forget our unique individualness.
We may compare and tend to think âHow is this friend going abroadâ, "How is that guy so popular on Twitter", âHow did she get into that company, I donât think she was that smartâ, âWhy am I so behindâ.
So I believe the idea I presented is yet another reason to avoid doing unfair comparisons: Do not take your friends for granted. This is one more reason to acknowledge your friends as human beings who are also the main characters of their own lives, with different dreams, desires, and ambitions. They are the protagonists of their own narratives.
Just because your paths crossed doesn't mean you can compare and take them for granted or judge them over their decisions. You cannot judge them over their decisions and you certainly donât have the authority to tell them or think about how they should/want to live their life.
Feel blessed to have met the super-talented ones who made you feel inferior, and cherish the close ones if they are not near. Spend good time with those who are still near you and [note to self: try to keep in contact at least on social media or phone with some]."
Now I am into RPG games (and isekai anime like âThat Time When I Reincarnated As a Slime) and couldnât help but add an RPGesque analogy.
Friends with whom you are not in contact with anymore, you were like the NPC in their adventure who helped them clear their quests. It was like a side quest for you; hope you crossroads again. Look forward to meeting new folks whom you can help in their quests & they can help in yours.
[I think it would be safe to extrapolate this beyond college too, with people whom you cross paths with.]